so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
pray to the hookup gods
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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