All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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