i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
