i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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