i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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