All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
