Can i not drive my cunt home
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
