Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
