fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
