The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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