i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
