The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
