Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
