you turned your livingroom into a bong?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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