Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
