I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
