I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
