i think my tv is drunk
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
