why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
