everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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