She said her name was "party"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
