i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
