Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
