What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
