I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
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