I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
