I just pynch a tree in the face
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
