so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
