How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
