I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
