Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
