there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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