I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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