Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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