found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
