whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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