My entire life is one complicated drinking game
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
What a dumb baby whore.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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