just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
