fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
