I showed him my bush... on skype.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
