i wish my penis had a tongue
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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