So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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