I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
