Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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