I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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