Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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