I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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