Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
