i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
