I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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